someone get that fucking seahorse.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My butt remains clenched, sir.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
