We're like a lot better than the average bears
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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