Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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