i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
