I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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