when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
