Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
