Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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