Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
