I'm eating all of the evidence.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
