I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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