apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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