So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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