Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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