Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
