Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
