Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'd cum for enchiladas.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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