the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
