i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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