I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
