Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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