Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
