So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
