I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
