This is not my ceiling
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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