I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
