it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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