At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
