you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
