I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
