I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
