He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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