I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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