I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
