Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
