At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
