id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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