My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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