i think my mom watched the whole time
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
