we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
