I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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