You're completely useless in the revolution.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
