Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
