How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
