You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
