xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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