aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You ruined the universe
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
