whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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