decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
