Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
