Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
