Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just wanna soil my oats bro
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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