oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
