Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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