He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
