I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
