I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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