I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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