So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
