ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
