We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
