I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
