I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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