My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize