sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
