the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
